The Secret to Limitless Social Energy
Monday Memorial Day was insane.
Woke up at 5am, went to 5am yoga, finished in time to jump on my weekly team meeting 7-8am on the drive up to San Francisco, 8-9am call with Danny from New York, 9-11am cafe stop which turned into a social gathering where folks I haven't seen in years just happened to all arrive at the same time, 11am-2pm hangout with Daniel at Mission Dolores park, 2-4pm go see Rajiv, 4-5pm drive across the bay to another friend’s family BBQ in Oakland 5-7pm. Finally got home around 8pm and hit the bed by 9pm.
The old me would've been completely burnt out from this day of socializing. Yet I felt more energized and relaxed than anything else.
I'm still an introvert, so what changed?
The Art of Stepping Back
I simply let the day unfold with minimal interference from my part. From beginning to end. 5am to 9pm - just leaning into presence.
I expended minimal energy, especially to fill in the gaps, the silences. I allowed others to fill them without the need to control the conversation or make anyone feel comfortable. Even during the most awkward moments, I just let things go at their pace. No control, just natural. Completely at ease with whoever I was with.
The biggest surprise? Everyone had a great time. Even folks I had just met said that we should get together more often. I could tell they meant it.
This was truly an enjoyable day. At the end of which I was sleepy but not spent. My body didn't need to decompress with TV or snacking. There was no rebelling against the dying daylight. Just a natural desire for rest as I closed my eyes and drifted off to slumber.
So this is how it is to simply be. Not thinking about the next step. No pre-planning, no need to impress, to dominate, to control. Just flow from one event to the next, and being fully present at each event.
"The Tao does nothing, yet all things are done.” - Tao Te Ching
The Introvert's Social Management Problem
If you’re an introvert like me, you’ve probably learned to approach social situations like a project manager because we feel we have to. We know we have limited social energy, so we try to optimize every interaction. Here’s what it looks like:
Pre-planning conversations (What will I talk about? What questions should I ask?)
Managing awkward silences (I need to have something ready to say)
Reading and responding to the room (Is everyone comfortable? Should I adjust the energy?)
Monitoring our own performance (Am I being too quiet? Too much? How am I coming across?)
And if your calendar’s stacked, logistics getting to the next thing (How much time I got? What about traffic? What should I bring?)
We think this preparation and active management will help us conserve energy and avoid awkwardness. But it's actually the opposite. This hyper-vigilance is what exhausts us. We're not actually socializing - we're performing social project management while simultaneously trying to be present.
The irony? We often think we need to become more extroverted or develop better social skills, when the real solution is doing less, not more.
From Managing to Being
“Music is the space between the notes.” - Debussy
The shift from exhaustion to energy happens when you move from trying to manage social outcomes to simply being present with what's unfolding. Instead of orchestrating conversations, you trust their natural flow. Instead of filling every silence, you let the space breathe. Instead of monitoring how things are going, you just show up for what's happening.
When you step back, something remarkable happens. Conversations find their own rhythm without your direction. People naturally fill silences and make connections. Your real self emerges because you're not busy performing. And paradoxically, you become more interesting and magnetic because people can sense when you're present versus when you're in your head.
The energy that used to drain away through constant social management now flows back to you. You're participating in the moment rather than trying to control it.
Epiphany Mapping Questions
As you think about your own social interactions:
Where are you "project managing" instead of simply being present?
What would change if you stepped back and trusted threads to unfold naturally?
When have you felt most energized socially? What was different about your approach?
The next time you’re talking to someone, try this little experiment: instead of planning what you'll say or how you'll contribute, just commit to being fully present with whatever emerges. This means resisting the urge to fill silences unless you truly have something to add.
You might be surprised by how much energy you have left at the end of the day.
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